Avocados and Pain

The answer is yes, in fact, avocados and pain have something to do with each other. Why is it do you think that in the darkest of moments, life is intercepted by some of the most glorious and beautiful things? Well, good, I don't have the answer either. But, hear me out for a second. There is a terribly tragic occurrence happening to a dear friend and community member and his family right now. The thing is...this tragedy is deflected by so many glimpses of whole beauty.

While our friend lies in a hospital bed, responding to chemo, the sun still rises. The earth is still brought from complete darkness to light, with a billion shades of loveliness in between. The days where the skyline is covered in leftover clouds from the night before, day comes amongst shades of dark blue, and saucy yellows and oranges, and sometimes even fire-blazing red. As I run, there is no escaping the question of why I am fully capable and allowed to experience the swiftest moments of beauty which make life so rich...while someone so close is battling for life.

I pitted an avocado for dinner last night, grilled it, then filled it with mango green chili salsa. Spooning into it, I discovered something: a shade of green that I'd never seen...like the first spring grass, and don't think could be replicated. The shade and richness of the flavor of the avocado came in a moment that could not be replaced...it simply existed in its beauty and happened to be so full of flavor that it is something that can be described as rare and exclusive. I sat there wondering why I continue to treat life with stagnancy and lack of passion when such colors and shades of green and blue and yellow and sunburst orange exist. It was a small reminder that life is so rich. It is not a bland, single-dimensioned gift we just happened to land into and are required to suffer through until the end.

Again I woke up and watched the sun rise over the mountains today, I thought things are coming full circle. And the circle doesn't seem to end. Enjoy your life today for what it is and squelch out every other distraction. Our friend is covered in hospital blankets, with his eyes closed. But the sun rose and the ground is holy because of who made it. He walks amongst us bringing light and life to those of us with our eyes closed.

What it all means

I never really believed I would ever finish a marathon, which made the actual experience of completing it pretty supernatural. I remember a year ago, going for a short 3-mile run and envisioning the feeling of finishing a marathon...it overtook me. I pictured moving past all those things that held me in chains:  the feeling of being unsuccessful, insufficient, unworthy, guilty,  faulty and flawed...running was a way out. Which is perhaps the reason I feel closest to my Creator and King when I am running. To me, it is symbolic of the change I experience when I remember I am redeemed; free from debt and the sentence to isolation. Running means I am covered. Drenched. Lavished upon with the love of the God of the universe. It reminds me of what it will be like one day to experience complete bliss. The aroma of the morning air lifting off the ground, and the sight of the sunrise setting the world ablaze are only a snapshot of what are to come.

Running the race meant a celebration of the many miles spurred on by only the pain I feel for my students who go home to violence after school; it meant being stronger than an abusive high school running coach; it was the acknowledgment that my gain is nothing of my own, but that I am allowed it; it meant rejoicing that I am slave to the King, not a captive of darkness.

I've realized running is a two-way cycle. An aching in my bones to release energy, and in exchange receive life and breath. I get crazy pictures in my head of nation after nation bowing before the Lord one day, of drug addicts and assassins and traitors and deceivers and slaves and run-aways being released from their shackles and falling prostrate, facing something so beautiful it can hardly be looked at. I imagine a King riding in on his horse and ripping free the women who are stuck in sex slavery. I imagine a God of vengeance who will come one day and break the chains we are all tied to. Every single one; broken.

So for this I will keep running: because I was given legs and because I can run when others cannot, I will. Bones to skin, sweat to ground, breath out, life in. Let's go.

Body

Have you ever thought about why certain words carry certain meaning? Like, why is the human body called 'body'? And why do women use 'body' to describe a great feature of their hair? The word 'body' means that life is carried within it; it means to be full of something. Normally, people run to energize for the day, or to gain energy after a long day. However, there comes a point when after too much running, the body does not have energy, nor seeks to gain any from further running. After much battling and physical and emotional fatigue this week, it occurred to me that no matter how hard I fought it, I had a body...and my body naturally wants to be filled with life and air and energy which was being continually suffocated from its natural desire. 



I stand between a rock and a hard place knowing that there are essentially two choices in life: to use my body as a weapon against the lies in my head, or...use it as a cannon... [No pun intended] to propel me through life. I could use my legs as the very way to see the world...stopping by places and thoughts that need attention and positive regard, or...use my legs to condemn and feed the negativity that pervades the mind and soul.

I watched the sun set and the sun rise in the last 24 hours, and as I watched the earth turn over from night to day, and watched the sun set fire to the darkness and then rekindle in the morning, it became evident that the earth too has body. It needs energy and life and air to fuel the day. And so, the choice remains that I can work with the rise and set of the sun and be reminded of what propels the night to day and ask for that same thing to fuel my legs and send me forth through the day...